Killing My Cool
God is killing my cool.
There is an uber-creative side of me that is definitely a part of everything I do, but for some reason my creativity has assumed a recalcitrant posture, like a stubborn child sent to time-out because he wouldn’t behave. I’ve reached an impasse where cool doesn’t cut it. I’m not sure if it ever did. The more I understand the redemptive mission of the Spirit, and the more I try to partner with it, the more I figure out that it doesn’t have to be cool. It often isn’t cool…at least not primarily.
God is killing any coolness I thought I might have had.
For the first time in a very long while, I am totally dependent on Christ to make me successful in the things that I’m doing (and not just with our church). As I’ve immersed myself back into a secular employment, I’m learning to adapt to a new environment that isn’t a bit passive and where success is determined by performance. My work determines my stability. What a juxtaposition of realities. In one context, I’m judged by what I produce and by what work I bring to the table, and in the other, my work[s] means nothing. The cool things I’ve made in my professional portfolio is only good for yesterday in my secular career, leaving me to find solace and dependency on Christ for all things…not just spiritual things. I need Christ to make me excel in all my endeavors. Sounds strange, like a no-brainer, but this feeling has not been as familiar up until recently. Everything that I’ve done up until this point has come quite naturally for me.
God is killing all of my cool.
Leaving me to wake up desperately needing the grace given for that day and, most times, to feel so awkwardly unprepared for the position of leading. Killing my cool and making the large and grandiose claims I’ve shouted from my gut feel like mere platitude. Killing my cool all day long. No place to hide from the sword of the Spirit, executing all my idols.
Don’t get me wrong, God is not killing my cool to replace it with having a poor looking website or shabby artwork for thrown-together publication pieces. He’s killing my need to be considered cool, my hunger to do things because it’d be cool, my addiction to be affirmed as cool. He’s captivating my attention in a way that feels so fresh.
I’m not left without direction, I’m drawn to deeper devotion. My confidence to lead is empowered by His power to work in me without restraint.
God is killing my cool, and maybe that’s why I’m starting to feel so alive.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Killing My Cool » Wayne Francis
via fakeisover.com
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